It’s been a hard day, week, month, year, etc. I didn’t have any gray hair on my head when the day started 12 long, hard, chilled hours ago. I dare not peek at the chipped mirror inside this roll top desk. I could use a drink. a cold one, or a tall one. Perhaps something I can “shoot”. I’ll probably have just one. I can stop there. Some people can’t. I know addiction. My mother worked for the Crisis Intervention Unit for the county I grew up in. Every OD, drunk tank, DWI, case involving a young person came across her desk. I got to hear about the dangers of drugs and alcohol, every. single. day. As such I became paranoid that any experimentation in drugs might lead to full blown dependency. It hasn’t, and I’ve not tried anything harder than reefer. (When’s the last time you heard that term?) If I had steady access to pain killers I’d surely use them more. I doubt it would become destructive. I keep cold beer in my ice box, Russian Vodka and a few brown liquors in my pantry. I don’t dip into them nightly, but I get it that many do. Some use it as a crutch, an excuse, or just like who they become when the high hits them. Others hate who they become but can’t stop. There aren’t many sights worse than seeing a normal happy person start that long slow crash before your eyes. They know the life is being sucked right out of them. My father was an alcoholic. I can remember as a small boy riding next to him in that blue Chevy Impala and him saying, “Cat take the wheel.” that meant put my little six years hands on the steering wheel so he could take a hit from his ever present Fifth of Christian Brothers Brandy in a brown paper bag. I do not recall him ever being a belligerent drunk. My mother probably can. He was never violent towards her, just sloppy and messy. Things didn’t get done when he was drunk. Dinner would be late. Just everyday things like that would get pushed back. He passed away when I was 7. Cancer of the Esophagus from smoking and likely the drinking. I loved my father. I don’t want to become him.
Still, it’s been a tough run lately. I need a drink.
A happy couple..what could have been.
Young love can be fleeting, but it doesn’t have to be. If you know what’s good for you and you can keep evil away you can succeed. But, when evil gets too close and digs it’s creepy nails under your skin. Well then love dies.